Intermediate Calculus. I never did much work for it. I never did work for it actually until the very last minute. Only a couple hours before my exam and you know what? I dropped it. I quit. I know I'm going to fail because I never worked hard for that fucking course. And math is my fucking major you know that? I fucked up. I'm a failure. I never knew how to fucking work hard. I only know that I have a talent for math but I don't know how to fucking work. That's the fucking problem. That has always been my problem. I never knew how to work. Never ever. God I'm in tears right now. I fucked up forever. There's always next year I know but fuck.... I don't know how to work... I don't know how to restrain myself. I don't know how to just stop and actually start studying.... I.. I don't know... I want to blame it on my voices, I want to blame my parents, I want the blame to be on something that is not me. I know it's all my fault. I'm such a fucking failure. I don't know what to do.. actually I've been telling that to myself forever... I know what to do but I don't know how to do it..... I want someone to help me but nobody can. It's my own problem and I have to help myself.. oh my god someone help me.... For so long I've taken it easy and everything has worked out for the better. I hardly studied for my Calculus 2 exam and I got a B+ in the course... .someone help me... I want to do good but I don't know how to start my road... someone help me... oh my god help me.... help me help me help me..... help.... someone... someone answer my call... why... why...... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
can anybody hear me? I can't hear myself. I don't know how to hear. SOMEONE HELP ME HELP ME. SOMEONE STOP ME. I CAN'T TAKE THIS KNIFE AWAY FROM MY THROAT. I CAN'T STOP IT CUTTING MY THROAT. IT WON'T STOP. I CAN'T STOP. HELP ME.
oh my god someone help me...
help me....
help me....
help me........................................................
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ReplyDeleteHey, man. Guess you weren't expecting to hear from me of all people, right? Wouldn't be expected if you'd hate my guts, wouldn't blame you if you clenched your fists seeing me write here, but it ain't stopping me.
ReplyDeleteDale, I know we've only talked little, and I've only known you for a couple hours, but when I offered help I wasn't joking. I know when someone's in pain when I see it, and right now? I'm teary. I don't expect you to accept my help, I don't expect you to run right over to me and unblock me or whatever. But know that I'll be there whenever you need me. Now don't give me that conspiracy bullshit, I'm not that smart to figure out something as complicated as that. I'd love to talk to you again, but that can wait until you're okay again. It makes me really sad not seeing any comments on here, so this is a big motivational point of mine, too.
I'm still hoping someday in the future we can put our differences behind us and talk again. Not just for me, but for you, too. From what I've seen, you're a good person. You don't like relying on friends or relying on anybody, really, but I think just by having this blog you've made a big step already.
Now I don't want to spam your comment section, so I'll be cutting this short, but remember Dale, I'm around for as long as you need me to.
Also sorry about the double post. Blogspot's buggying around.