Irrelevance

Apologies for not posting on Sunday.. I didn't have much to talk about.

Anyway.. yeah I'm back. I've learned a lot since my hiatus. There's a lot to it but.. In short I learned to love my friends almost to death. I missed them deeply and I learned they did mean a lot to me and I would hate to see them leave my life. That's the gist of it though.. I won't embelish it.

Anyway what's with the title? A lot has happened since I've come back. Almost too much. Though I feel irrelevant, I know I'm not to my friends. I don't know why but since I've come back I feel like I've been lied to and betrayed so much by those I love. I haven't at all been betrayed. I don't know what's causing me to feel this way but it's tearing me apart and my friendships.

I feel irrelevant. No longer important. It brings back memories... when I was still friends with my Old Mate. If you all didn't know I had a crush on her and it ran deep. Everyday I felt useless.. pointless.. used. That's pretty much how I'm feeling right now. I know I'm not but still. I can't help what I'm feeling. But.. if there's one thing I learned so far is that times have changed and I must adapt. The path I've been following on.. it's been so beautiful and it helped me so much but its golden days are over.. I have to change to my new environment and destroy my darkest shadows that to this day continue to haunt me.

It's a short post but... I have an exam today so I have to study.

With much love and glad to be back...

And Remembering to Smile..

Nob

The Ignorance That Could Have Been Bliss

Featuring our lovely friend, Koishi. (On relation to the picture, it was fucking hard to find a decent of fucking Koishi and Rumia that were in the same picture that did not involve one sleeping on another's head)

And no, sorry crim, I'm not talking about you.

For a long time, I noticed things about myself. Specifically.. I can sort of understand my own subconscious (Hi Koishi) or why I do things. God damn it.. knowing this shit should help me in life. It should prevent me from saying things I know I'll regret but.. God damn it. I let a lot of hints and shit out of my mouth that I don't mean to express but I know what it is. I've said things.. maybe curious and seemingly innocent things but I realise what I truly want out of it.. God damn it. Sometimes I wish I never heard of the concept of a unconscious because I more or less can interpret my own I think..

As an example... I use to act so.. weird and sexual before ("DICKS", "DICKS ON A TRAIN", etc) (At least.. I'm a bit different now) because well.. I'm wondering if I was obsessed with the idea of sex (Freud!) and wanted to talk about it deeply? I mean.. whenever people did play along I would start to act disgusted with the act. Of course I do this because they don't actually want to get sexual, they just want a good laugh and shit. But me.. my conscious tells me it's for the sake of thrills and laughs but my subconscious.. If I interpret this right it's because I don't want to be associated with a pervert and I must act like a true gentleman.. despite me wanting to talk about sex so says my unconscious. Seriously what? It tells me to get sexual and then back away before it's too late? Am I right I wonder... Am I spot on about my own instinctual motives...?

Sometimes.. I'm almost sure I am a prime example of Freud. I mean.. honestly? I repressed myself sexually to hell and for awhile now, I've always wondered... I don't know.. I know I'm putting myself in great risk and changing my relationships but.. fuck.. for the sake of science right? /sigh..

To everyone relevant.. I'm sorry.. really.. I'm sorry for expressing my sexual and perverted nature unconsciously. I'm almost sure this is the case... I'll try to improve my own control over my own mind and body because really.. that's all I can do.

Why did I make this post? I'm almost sure my unconscious today just.. acted out at someone. Who the person is though, I'll keep their identity a secret. But yeah.. simply...if I could right now.. I would tell them I'm so sorry.. Like the same to every one of you.

Fuck.

I'm so ashamed of myself right now....

But hey... again...

Remembering to Smile and begging all of you for forgiveness...

Nob

AWW YEAH. LAPTOP POST OF LIES.

Ahoy hoy. Posting from a shitty laptop running an outdated Ubuntu with only 30 min of laptop remaining! (Full battery too!) But yeah.. I'm going fucking insane without seeing anyone (Except Sam). Schools been.. more or less the same. I'm not working any harder nor any .. less harder. Had a German test today and I think I did good. Fucked up here and there but yeah.. These past few days... Sammantha has been the only one keeping me sane because texting her is great fun.

"MEOW! I'M A CAT SAMMANTHA"
"No."
"I'm a cat! Meow!"
"No you are a dale."
"Meow! I'm a cat sammantha!"
"ACKNWOLEDGE ME SAMMANTHA! MEOW!"

yep.. just mostly bothering her but I don't know.. it has made me appreciate having friends.. really.. A couple nights ago I remember having flashbacks to my childhood. (If you know me I really hate my childhood..) It was kind of shitty because it's like you spend your entire teenage life and adult life trying to forget this shit then BAM. Everything fucking comes back to you in one night and everything you tried to do is fucked forever. Fuck. But point is I had no close friends as a kid (Friends but none of them close) and this entire two week hiatus pretty much brings back bad memories.

It also pisses me off that I emailed a pretty important email to someone and they don't even have the fucking courtesy to respond.. or at least say something. You know who you are.

But yeah.. does this blog post from my laptop mean I'm saying fucking my hiatus? Not really. It's not like I can do anything on this piece of shit anyway. Regardless, I have to wake up early tomorrow (6 hours from now) to study for my exams which are coming up. So to wrap things up...

I miss you all and I hope to have happy hug time when I come back.

Also big fucking thanks to Sammantha. Seriously... you're keeping me alive here (No joke yo). SERIOUSLY, IF YOU EVER SEE HER TELL HER, "DALE SAYS THANKS" and she'll be like "I FUCKING KNOW. THIS HAS ALREADY BEEN TOLD TO ME LIKE 15 TIMES BY EVERYONE ELSE AND HIM" and then you'll be like, "YA WEENY" and then she'll be like "FUCK YOU" and she'll block you for long time and I'll be like awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwyeaaaaaaaaaah. (Seriously, boredom, loneliness, and being tired makes you do this shit.)

Anyway in all seriousness again, I miss you all and just one more week (kind of) until I get back. Though the day I get back the very next day I have an exam... lol. HILARITY SHALL ENSUE IN THIS BITCH. Anyway again..

Remember to Smile,

Nob

P.s. why does everyone call me by my first name Dale? JUST CALL ME BY MY WEB NAME, EGO. FUCK. Or Rumia if you're a touhou conninseur. Or Nob if you enjoy the sight of me being depressed but that's only if you're weird. I suppose people like calling me Dale because well.. how many Asian Dale's do you see walking around? And my name does rhyme (Regretably) with a lot of things. (I swear if I start seeing you assholes rhyming Dale and Fail Dale is going to get up in your bich and rape your dog so he can ship it to hong kong or some shit). I don't know. I like it but at the same time I don't. It's along the lines of, "Call me that only if you're a close friend or have known me for a long time, (Crim, Shmoo, Chat, Sam, Mike). Otherwise call me by my web name. Dicks.