AH SHIT. A BLOG.

Why? I don't know. Felt like it while procrastinating.

Anyway a little insight into my life.

I'm going insane. I'm not going to beg you to believe me but I'll be honest on what is going on with my life. Awhile back while I was eating dinner I began to think. Went deeeeeeep into my thoughts on what happens after death and just tried to 'feel' it in a way. Then it came. Death. Honest to god I felt it and I did not like it. It sort of went down from there.

My life as of the past month has been full of deathly scares from there. My dad going to the hospital, my grandma going to the hospital, my sister's rabbit dying. You know. I'm not superstitious but god damned, that is a bit unnerving.

Oh but the fun does not stop during me being conscious. Oh no my dreams have been haunting me with all my insecurities and my frights. Phobia's and me being unable to escape? Check. Can't find someone who isn't remotely interesting? Check. You know so on so forth. A bit maddening.

University is also fun. It's also especially fun when you're attempting to teach yourself the course because the prof can't teach worth his life. AND THEN THE TEXTBOOK TURNS OUT TO BE FULL OF SHITTY QUALITY. Fun. But hey at least the internet saves the day.

Apart from all the drama in my life I've been trying to turn my social life back into a functioning one. It's sort of working out. I've been tutoring my friend on Calculus 1, joined a math club to make friends and dick around, and I'm hanging out with my old high school friends. It's okay.. It's working out. I'm not the happiest camper in real life but you know I'm getting by.

Internet life is sort of.. dead. I still come on Saturday's to catch up and have fun. It's usually filled with fun and I have a good time. I wish I wasn't constantly pestered every week about my absence though (You know who you are) because seriously it pisses me off.

I'm not looking forward to the future. Specifically Winter. My brother comes back and I'm going to have to deal with his constant far right winged bs. It doesn't help that we got into a fucking fight the first day I arrived in Toronto in the summer because he's having some breakdown. So great fun ahead. I hope that he dies before he actually makes it here because the world would do better without him. But the world sucks and he'll probably make it and act like ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED. But whatever right? He's an asshole and I'll have to deal with it because he's 'family'.

As of recent, I've been looking at my past. Full of crap that I regret. I regret that so much I mostly forced myself to forget my childhood. Whenever I look into my own past I just feel pain and anger. Only things I see with a longing nostalgic lens is just old TV Shows and Video Games.

I hope that my depressing blog has brightened your day because my misery tends to cause euphoria somehow. Remember to smile.