The Ignorance That Could Have Been Bliss

Featuring our lovely friend, Koishi. (On relation to the picture, it was fucking hard to find a decent of fucking Koishi and Rumia that were in the same picture that did not involve one sleeping on another's head)

And no, sorry crim, I'm not talking about you.

For a long time, I noticed things about myself. Specifically.. I can sort of understand my own subconscious (Hi Koishi) or why I do things. God damn it.. knowing this shit should help me in life. It should prevent me from saying things I know I'll regret but.. God damn it. I let a lot of hints and shit out of my mouth that I don't mean to express but I know what it is. I've said things.. maybe curious and seemingly innocent things but I realise what I truly want out of it.. God damn it. Sometimes I wish I never heard of the concept of a unconscious because I more or less can interpret my own I think..

As an example... I use to act so.. weird and sexual before ("DICKS", "DICKS ON A TRAIN", etc) (At least.. I'm a bit different now) because well.. I'm wondering if I was obsessed with the idea of sex (Freud!) and wanted to talk about it deeply? I mean.. whenever people did play along I would start to act disgusted with the act. Of course I do this because they don't actually want to get sexual, they just want a good laugh and shit. But me.. my conscious tells me it's for the sake of thrills and laughs but my subconscious.. If I interpret this right it's because I don't want to be associated with a pervert and I must act like a true gentleman.. despite me wanting to talk about sex so says my unconscious. Seriously what? It tells me to get sexual and then back away before it's too late? Am I right I wonder... Am I spot on about my own instinctual motives...?

Sometimes.. I'm almost sure I am a prime example of Freud. I mean.. honestly? I repressed myself sexually to hell and for awhile now, I've always wondered... I don't know.. I know I'm putting myself in great risk and changing my relationships but.. fuck.. for the sake of science right? /sigh..

To everyone relevant.. I'm sorry.. really.. I'm sorry for expressing my sexual and perverted nature unconsciously. I'm almost sure this is the case... I'll try to improve my own control over my own mind and body because really.. that's all I can do.

Why did I make this post? I'm almost sure my unconscious today just.. acted out at someone. Who the person is though, I'll keep their identity a secret. But yeah.. simply...if I could right now.. I would tell them I'm so sorry.. Like the same to every one of you.

Fuck.

I'm so ashamed of myself right now....

But hey... again...

Remembering to Smile and begging all of you for forgiveness...

Nob